Your subconscious knows when you’re living out of alignment with your values and I think you just reach a limit where you can’t take it anymore, which can manifest in a lot of ways, but if you’re an internalizer like me, it’s a lot of depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation. Our flesh bodies do not mess around!
I’m right there with you. I don’t understand how a person can just scream someone into a meltdown over and over again and not feel like what they’re doing is wrong.
I was stuck with tons of texts and even more ideas, creating a Substack to share them, but… words got caught in my throat when I thought about sharing.
And in that moment, I accidentally found this text.
Thank you, fellow autistic human! You reminded me that there is me under all these masks.
Hey. I’m glad you’re still here. Your writing is bigly good and my plankton recognizes your plankton. Helllllooooo in there, fellow traveler! I see you!!!!
Wow, well, unlike a previous commenter I’m not sure we will get along but for now, I want to take a ride on your roller coaster. Even going head to head with someone like you is going to be so interesting and just fun! I’m not here to disrupt your mojo and I love your writing style. It’s different than mine but I believe the intent is the same…just puttin’ it out there and let the cards fall where they may. I look forward to interacting with you.
This: "Perfectionism, performative masculinity, professionalism, beauty standards, the Protestant work ethic— these are all powerful forces in our society that share a common goal: Heaping shame onto other people as a mechanism of social control." I dig your work. You're funny and highly readable. I too bare pretty much all--except--my sexuality, around which is a lot of shame. You've given me food for thought. I guess I'm bi? I've spent most of my life with women who abuse or neglect me living in the closet otherwise. I'm Demi/sapio sexual not that it matters because I can't get a date anyway. I'm exhausted pretending to be the cool guy on the room really wants to light himself on fire. So, thank you. Fuck all these BS masks. Write on. Cheers.
Idk if you have to kill him, but maybe giving him a seat at the roundtable of Nick-toon characters in your brain is enough to make him quiet down for a bit
I am very sorry about my post Have been writing about some awkward issues as well. I'm a white guy who lived on the reservation for 12 years I think your a true Inspiration for me to get a lot of my story out thanks so much 🙏 You're the best thing on the internet For me anyway and I've been searching for 20 years so It's almost scary 😨 how Similar are problems are in point of view. Hope the best for you and your wife and anybody you have in your life thanks Be A good in hood bru🙏 👌 💪 💯 ps me and my wife have Come a long way relating to most of the things you've talked about. love Languages was the book that helped my wife My book that only subtle art of not giving a fuck thanks for your time and Hopefully , patients and understanding my last post for not direct at you Truly 🤪
Yeah, the only thing I'm worried about is a Self righteous title. So I think I leaned in to my crazy name a little too much but I got a wicked story to go with it
Damn. 👏👏👏 (not sarcastic!). My first reaction to this was admiration and then it hit a trauma nerve and I started crying. But in a good way. The thing about reputation making you easier to control resonated, and then the part where you said you'd been writing like this for 10 years before you decided to share it with anyone. I genuinely believe that we need more of this level of vulnerability and radical honesty in the world and I want to embody that myself. So I did a thought experiment: "what if I started writing my experiment/experience of life and putting it out there?" "because they'll think you're dumb" came the reply. And I started crying. And thought "ope, there's the trauma nerve. Ok." I told my younger self "come here sweetie. Yes it hurts. I got you. Yes it hurts. Cry it out. I got you. They said lots of mean things to us didn't they." and held her. I'm still crying while writing this. It's one of the things I haven't been able to resolve yet, the dichotomy of wanting terribly badly to be seen and understood and accepted for who I am and simultaneously terrified of being perceived. My motto has been "better to shut your mouth and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt" since about 20 years now. Yes I'll share with friends in private conversation but putting my life out there publicly on the internet? FUCK no. All social media is private except for my food blogs. And at the same time I see people like you doing really amazing vulnerable shit like this and I'm like "I wanna do that too!" "NOPE." "what if we could help others?" "what if people misunderstand/don't get it and have a worse image of autistics in their minds or started treating me with more ableism and infantilism as a result? NOPE."
Maybe one day I'll figure out what's the fine line between actually oversharing and sharing enough to help others. Maybe I'll just start journaling regularly and post everything one day at a time... 10 years after. Either way you've been to places in your mind I'm grateful I've never had to go and hopefully never will, that allow you some pretty impressive levels of Fuck It. Anyways I need a nap.
The same... work, burnout, hospitalizations, drugs, therapy, burnout, another attempt, apprehended under MHA, hospitalized... Finally I completely gave up trying to play the game... TRYING TO BE "NORMAL."
The system is clueless and broken. So much arrogance, bias, and ignorance abounds.
I try to get help to be here for wife but finally I succumbed to my limitations and with help from the wife live A GREAT LIFE NOW...
I really relate to this! The idea that, actually, if I don't unmask then that's the shit that's going to kill me.
Your subconscious knows when you’re living out of alignment with your values and I think you just reach a limit where you can’t take it anymore, which can manifest in a lot of ways, but if you’re an internalizer like me, it’s a lot of depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation. Our flesh bodies do not mess around!
Step 1) fail
Step 2) get in argument with mum
Step 3) meltdown
Step 4) repeat ad nauseum
Unmasked for a year now. One doesn't know how little oxygen they live on until they get a full breath of free unmasked air.
I’m right there with you. I don’t understand how a person can just scream someone into a meltdown over and over again and not feel like what they’re doing is wrong.
I lost a job and had to sign a gag order after calling an employer out for doing this with another autistic employee.
I was stuck with tons of texts and even more ideas, creating a Substack to share them, but… words got caught in my throat when I thought about sharing.
And in that moment, I accidentally found this text.
Thank you, fellow autistic human! You reminded me that there is me under all these masks.
The universe works in funny ways sometimes! Good luck!
Hey. I’m glad you’re still here. Your writing is bigly good and my plankton recognizes your plankton. Helllllooooo in there, fellow traveler! I see you!!!!
One day we’ll get that secret formula of how to be a person! One day!!!
Jesus, this was good! 😊👍🏼
I’m glad you related!
Wow, well, unlike a previous commenter I’m not sure we will get along but for now, I want to take a ride on your roller coaster. Even going head to head with someone like you is going to be so interesting and just fun! I’m not here to disrupt your mojo and I love your writing style. It’s different than mine but I believe the intent is the same…just puttin’ it out there and let the cards fall where they may. I look forward to interacting with you.
Hmm. I have this feeling we are going to get along 😏
Hahahaha... Yuep, I think you will too! 👍
This: "Perfectionism, performative masculinity, professionalism, beauty standards, the Protestant work ethic— these are all powerful forces in our society that share a common goal: Heaping shame onto other people as a mechanism of social control." I dig your work. You're funny and highly readable. I too bare pretty much all--except--my sexuality, around which is a lot of shame. You've given me food for thought. I guess I'm bi? I've spent most of my life with women who abuse or neglect me living in the closet otherwise. I'm Demi/sapio sexual not that it matters because I can't get a date anyway. I'm exhausted pretending to be the cool guy on the room really wants to light himself on fire. So, thank you. Fuck all these BS masks. Write on. Cheers.
Requesting more detailed tutorial to kill my inner plankton, please
Idk if you have to kill him, but maybe giving him a seat at the roundtable of Nick-toon characters in your brain is enough to make him quiet down for a bit
Happy to throw money your way, because after two articles, I see you are a fucking brilliant.
Thank you so much! 😊
I am very sorry about my post Have been writing about some awkward issues as well. I'm a white guy who lived on the reservation for 12 years I think your a true Inspiration for me to get a lot of my story out thanks so much 🙏 You're the best thing on the internet For me anyway and I've been searching for 20 years so It's almost scary 😨 how Similar are problems are in point of view. Hope the best for you and your wife and anybody you have in your life thanks Be A good in hood bru🙏 👌 💪 💯 ps me and my wife have Come a long way relating to most of the things you've talked about. love Languages was the book that helped my wife My book that only subtle art of not giving a fuck thanks for your time and Hopefully , patients and understanding my last post for not direct at you Truly 🤪
Truly your's, junky JESUS
You
Are
All
Loved
Yeah, the only thing I'm worried about is a Self righteous title. So I think I leaned in to my crazy name a little too much but I got a wicked story to go with it
Damn. 👏👏👏 (not sarcastic!). My first reaction to this was admiration and then it hit a trauma nerve and I started crying. But in a good way. The thing about reputation making you easier to control resonated, and then the part where you said you'd been writing like this for 10 years before you decided to share it with anyone. I genuinely believe that we need more of this level of vulnerability and radical honesty in the world and I want to embody that myself. So I did a thought experiment: "what if I started writing my experiment/experience of life and putting it out there?" "because they'll think you're dumb" came the reply. And I started crying. And thought "ope, there's the trauma nerve. Ok." I told my younger self "come here sweetie. Yes it hurts. I got you. Yes it hurts. Cry it out. I got you. They said lots of mean things to us didn't they." and held her. I'm still crying while writing this. It's one of the things I haven't been able to resolve yet, the dichotomy of wanting terribly badly to be seen and understood and accepted for who I am and simultaneously terrified of being perceived. My motto has been "better to shut your mouth and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt" since about 20 years now. Yes I'll share with friends in private conversation but putting my life out there publicly on the internet? FUCK no. All social media is private except for my food blogs. And at the same time I see people like you doing really amazing vulnerable shit like this and I'm like "I wanna do that too!" "NOPE." "what if we could help others?" "what if people misunderstand/don't get it and have a worse image of autistics in their minds or started treating me with more ableism and infantilism as a result? NOPE."
Maybe one day I'll figure out what's the fine line between actually oversharing and sharing enough to help others. Maybe I'll just start journaling regularly and post everything one day at a time... 10 years after. Either way you've been to places in your mind I'm grateful I've never had to go and hopefully never will, that allow you some pretty impressive levels of Fuck It. Anyways I need a nap.
I again, can relate.
Same cycles through life.
The same... work, burnout, hospitalizations, drugs, therapy, burnout, another attempt, apprehended under MHA, hospitalized... Finally I completely gave up trying to play the game... TRYING TO BE "NORMAL."
The system is clueless and broken. So much arrogance, bias, and ignorance abounds.
I try to get help to be here for wife but finally I succumbed to my limitations and with help from the wife live A GREAT LIFE NOW...
F U WORLD YOU'VE DONE NOTHING FOR ME!!!!
BUT NOW YOU CANT HURT ME!!! WOOHOO!
🤣🤣🤣😁😎